Some light relief of the godly kind.

April 29, 2010

Have you ever wanted sex toy, but were worried God would mind? ChristianLoveToys.com.

I will include the site guidelines here- so you don’t waste time if this is not the site for you.

1) This site is ONLY for married couples. Single individuals or dating couples should not view these products as they appropriately invoke and promote sexuality as God intentionally designed it: for a married man and woman.

2) There is such a thing as inappropriate sex between a married man and woman!(I think this explains the absence of butt plugs, and anal beads. Although there is plenty of lube).

3) Your sex life is a gift from and should appropriately honor God. Products or content at this site should seek to increase your marital intimacy and ultimately relationship with God. (Use your vibrator to find god. And remember to shout his name at the right moment).

4) Do NOT allow this site to support you giving into perversion, impurity, or inappropriate fantasizing

5) Sex between a married man and woman is a very unique form of intimacy,  pray over any purchases made in this store.(I think they could have included the instruction to wash it AFTER. Cleanliness is next to godliness after all)
6) These products should be used with your spouse. Never use these products without the knowledge of and agreement with your spouse. (Not on your cat, or yourself…)

7) It is ALWAYS a good idea to have accountability with your spouse, another couple, and same-gender friends / mentors. (Swinging?)

In the interests of academic rigour, I spent some time comparing this site with other purveyors of ‘love toys’.

The only difference I can see is size. And I think pink is a godly colour for a vibrator.

If you want a black 18inch double ender, this is not the site for you. The ‘Adam and Eve’ love juice, is for Adam and EVE, not Adam and STEVE! God approves of small pink dildos, and strange contraptions which appear to be feathers on keyrings. While they sell enough lube to go swimming in- this is not for bottoms.

Find God through your vibrator! And make sure you pray over it, before you use it. Or risk perversion at your peril….



  1. I once read a book discussing sex in a Christian perspective that also had the warning “only for married couples”.

  2. I had christian foster carers who had a similar book. I reckon every child who had ever been in their care, knew exactly where they kept it…

  3. I guess they won’t keep a stock of anal rosary beads, then…

  4. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lisa, Lisa. Lisa said: https://deeplyflawedbuttrying.wordpress.com/2010/04/29/some-light-relief-of-the-godly-kind/ Blog post about christian love toys. […]

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