March 14, 2010

Rachel wants a hamster. She has wanted a hamster since she met the digus, living in a big cage at her friend Naomi’s house. Her friend Freya just got her very own pet goldfish(‘fluffy’ and ‘tickle’), and Rachel feels the injustice of only owning an old tom cat who poos in her bedroom, very keenly.

I can’t have an easily frightened rodent, in a house with a cat and a 3 year old. My sister took pity on Rachel, and bought her some sea monkeys.

Ah, I hear you ask. What are seamonkeys? Seamonkeys are aquatic lice. I don’t care what the box says(with its picture of smiley sea creatures wearing shades). After we had carefully nurtured the eggs that we dropped into the plastic box of distilled water, lice hatched. Swimming lice. Very similar to pubic lice, or head lice. Or any other lice you can imagine.

Since the lice hatched, I have shuddered with revulsion every time I have gone into her bedroom. ‘Never be lonely again’ cried the box. Well, I suppose it was true. When sat in the house on my own, I was always very aware that I had a plastic box full of them, swimming about, keeping me company.

One of the reasons you are supposed to let kids have pets, is to introduce them to concepts like death. Today, the seamonkeys died, after being left with unsupervised pre-schoolers.

Have I told her the seamonkeys died? No. Of course I bloody well haven’t.

Instead I told her the seamonkeys have gone to ‘seamonkeyland’. Where they will grow bigger, and have their own houses, toys, and probably a seamonkey Santa.

I suppose when she finds out, I could tell her I believe it to be true, and whether she believes it or not  is a matter of faith. Seriously though, kids these days have Google. She is going to know… Oh god, I am such a coward.

PS I have done this before. She thinks every snowman she has ever built, is now living with the penguins.



  1. PSML, Oh both the boys have a great concept of dead, they just except it. So matter of fact, I guess it is being farms grandsons!

  2. Ha, you are a coward! 😛
    Our seamonkeys are sadly still alive, but my two love the idea of things being dead. They regularly play ‘being dead’ and are both fascinated with all the gory details. I am mean though…

    • I am a disgrace!

    • I don’t know what I will do if a relative dies. Might have to tell the truth, or pretend they have emigrated.

  3. ha ha ha, I think I would chicken out too. there’s plenty of time to learn about death and end when you really have to, why subject them to it so young when there’s no need?

    I love the idea of the south pole being full of all these snowmen though! – or is it the north? Can never remember which has penguins and which polar bears.

    • I am a coward- she is v happy that seamonkeys are off being happy though.

      When I told her that about her snowman- I did a pen,ink,watercolour of her snowman, with said penguins. Methinks this is pandering…

  4. I’m sure you’d rather not know, but those space-weevils were not dead- well, some of them were, but they’d completed a cycle- over the next few days you would have seen a resurgence in the little prawns. Then, as the packaging describes, you could have watched them cuddle.

    • Oh god. Oh dear god. Ew.

      • you know.. through the little magnifying lenses.

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