Dear Tiger Woods.

February 19, 2010

Dear Tiger Woods,

I was sorry to see the media exposure of your marital indiscretions. I have to say, personally, I don’t think what happens between you and your wife, is any of my business. I don’t know much about your golf game, because I find it quite dull.

I have been fortunate enough to be able to spot lurid stories about this, from the headlines, and have avoided them.I am however, slightly concerned that the coverage of your infidelity, is taking up valuable space, which really should be given to actual news.

I was wondering, if you could just apologise directly to your sponsors, as they pay you a great deal of money, and apparently believe that your marriage is their business. Perhaps if you did this directly, the endless discussions about how your position as role model, a position which these sponsors appear to have manufactured, as part of your branding, could be kept away from my newspapers. Maybe they could make a commercial or something, then it would all be done and dusted.

Thanks awfully for your consideration of this matter,

Yours Sincerely,




  1. Dear Deeply Flawed Butt Ring

    Say! You sound kinda hot. I know I look a bit nerdy and serious but let me tell you, they don’t call me “Woods” for nothing and my favourite “club” sure ain’t kept in my golf bag if you know what I mean.

    So, whaddya say? Suppose I was to swing round the state of Hebden Bridge, maybe you and I could play a round. Geddit? Play a round as in “play around”. We don’t have to do 18 holes. Hell no. One or two enough for me.

    Best wishes


    • Dear Mr.Woods, while that offer appeals, I am unfortunately unable to accept. Mainly because I find golf, and people who play golf-very very dull. I am hot, but I have not played on a golf course in that sense, since I was 15, and really I learned then. I am sorry to hear about your marriage difficulties, and hope you find another playmate to get into the rough with.
      Kind Regards

      Deeply Flawed But Trying.

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