January 13, 2010

I don’t blog about sex really. There are things that I don’t want to share in this blog, and the details of my love life, sex life, and friendships, are among those things.

What if I had used this blog to share my most intimate thoughts, the fantasies that I have, that everyone has, that are an innate part of my sexuality? What if I had shared that in my head,  occasionally, I think of things that I would like to experience, that often go far beyond what I would want to happen in real life, and certainly not outside a consenting relationship, regardless of the place consent takes within the fantasy itself.

If I share them in conversation with someone, I am not giving prior consent. Christ, if I am halfway through acting out a fantasy, and I realise I really want to stop, I have the right to.  People like to fantasise about loss of control, people like to fantasise about situations where consent isn’t given. According to a judge today, once that happens, once I share something like that, my right to decide who I have sex with, is gone.

There have been, and I hope there will continue to be times, where ‘my morals go out the window’-and me saying that doesn’t mean that the entire male population has the right to rape me. Women of ‘bad character’ can be raped too.

I hope to god that link was sloppy reporting, I really fucking do.



  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lisa, Jenny Le Mac. Jenny Le Mac said: RT @slummymummy1: https://deeplyflawedbuttrying.wordpress.com/2010/01/13/stunned/ Blog post about that last link. […]

  2. Damn right! To use what was spoken of as a FANTASY and claim that rape in this case was ‘alright then’ is an absolute disgrace. Shame on them all.

    • If I share with my boyfriend that I have had a group sex fantasy on Tuesday, and he turns up with 5 of his mates on a Wednesday, that doesn’t somehow mean that they have the right to carry out my FANTASY, in reality, without my consent.

  3. I think it shows a basic misunderstanding between consenting sex that is put in the context of handing over control, with safe words, or whatever, in place, and rape. It shows more than our justice system is in the dark ages, we are still completely in the dark in a rather dangerous way about safe practice in more adventurous sex, and the very important distinctions in this context between fantasy and reality.

    I’m sickened by this.

  4. Unbelievable. There seems to be no recognition in any of the legislature’s dealings relating to the internet of the role of fantasy, or even the fact that the mind sometimes has a tendency to think the unthinkable. Happy to criminalise people for naked images of bart and lisa simpson, but not for gang rape? Totally nuts.

  5. This scares the hell out of me… a first step in sexually repressing people and giving power to those who will potentially abuse it. Another example where the justice system in this country protects those who hurt others for their own gain in order to try and make an ‘example’ of innocent people who don’t fit in with visible ‘normal’ society.

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