My dustbin

January 13, 2010

My wheelie bin keeps getting nicked. Since the council introduced fortnightly collections and recycling, we have had wheelie bins. I have had no less than 3 wheelie bins. And there have been vast periods of time between delivery of said bins.

Now, there is the possibility that this is a protest from one of my green lefty neighbours, who, in the role of environmental vigilante, has checked my recycling, and taken my bin as a response to my clear lack of ability to handle the responsibility of managing unlimited household waste.

Or there is the possibility that there are scumbag thieving bastards out there, who keep nicking my bin. I happen to know there was human faeces in there. That is rank. If I was going to engage in criminal endeavours, I would not be nicking bins from a household, where there are members young enough that there may be full nappies lurking.

My next wheelie bin, I am painting a big aggressive warning on it, and a skull and crossbones.



  1. Dear Deeply Flawed Butt Ring

    We are the Hebden People’s Front. There are a number of human rights violations going on in Hebden Bridge at the moment. Only yesterday a citizen was cautioned merely for exercising his democratic right to have a whiff of the whacky baccie. Organic polenta is still not generally available in the town and we have seen instances of culturally insensitive eating of meat. Daily the homosexual minority is subject to oppression by heterosexuals. We even saw a heterosexual couple holding hands – an aggressive act that can only have been calculated to inflict psychological harm on any homosexual unfortunate enough to witness the vile scene.

    We cannot let our people suffer any more.

    To draw attention to these systematic violations we have your wheelie bin. It will suffer unless the bourgeouis government of Hebden agrees to our list of 47 demands, generally dealing with vegetarianism, polenta and the inalienable right of women to be hirsute.

    PS – We also have some of your nappies. You can have those back before the 47 demands are met.

  2. Dear Hebden Bridge people’s front.I am afraid I will have to sacrifice my wheelie bin, because I cannot encourage the consumption of polenta, vegeterian food should be renamed a side dish, and women will be hirsute if they want to be, and in this weather, who can take off enough clothes to check.
    Enjoy the wheelie bin. Am sorry I gave baby sam that spinach, before I changed his nappy-enjoy-but be warned it looks fairly similar to spinach before it goes in…so don’t eat it. You all need to stop whinging, but if you could include demands about the fact that a fishfinger sandwich costs £4 in Squeeze, and a demand that the co-op start stocking Yeo Valley Apricot yoghurt, I would think more of you.

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