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Sorry haven’t updated in a while.

November 24, 2009

Sorry for those of you expecting, polemic, ranting, funny, whatever. Today has been a bad bad day. And I am tired, and want to cry.

I quite like my life mostly, but today, its crap. Today, we are having a pity party, there is mainly me invited, and you, my dear reader-are free to shut down your browser, and flip back to what you were doing.

I spent the day like sisyphus, in conflict with a three year old, whose ambitions and capabilities are confused, due to her belief that she is the centre of the universe, and the most powerful thing in it, and her righteously indignant sense of frustration, when the world contradicts this belief.

In the occasional cease fires that occured, I argued with British Gas, about the reasonableness of my gas direct debit, consuming an entire weeks income each month.  I familiared myself with the governments fuel poverty strategy. The house produced mess, as quickly as I could clear it.

Mid afternoon, I remembered I had invited my ex for dinner. And that this point we should go to a different blog post, but I am too damn tired. I love my ex husband. He is a good  man, and excellent dad.  Its great when he is here, the easy familiarity of a friendship with someone who knows you better than most,  ample compensation, for ending a relationship that eventually made us so unhappy, that we would tear apart our family to end it.

After a shit day of waging war with your toddler, and British Gas, with the always presence knowledge, that the buck stops with you, its quite irritating to be reminded of how much easier it was, when there was another adult there, and then to remember just how great what you had was, when it was good.

Then you remember that you both fucked it up so royally, that the amount of restraint that has been necessary, to cultivate and maintain any sort of friendship, could only be provided with a lip that stays buttoned, a lot. All this added up to the reason why its not good to have your ex for dinner, on a bad day. (Although the chicken and leek pie was awesome, I make wicked pastry!).

And then he left. Which was the perfect point, to realise the reason Rachel had been mardy all day, was that she was coming down with something. And there we have the defining feature of my day, and possibly of the night ahead. Life is not glamorous with an ill child. We have had that blog post though- and I am repetitive enough. Now I would like to wash the sick out of my hair, but I think I am having another cup of tea first. I don’t think I want to cry any more. I have these days occasionally. Everyone does.

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5 comments

  1. ah well, at least you’re not Katie Price


    • This is very true.


  2. I so know how you feel and I think we lived the same life yesterday.

    I woke up with flu on a non-nursery day; the [plumber chared £560 instead of thr £180 I was expecting.

    At 4pm I couldn’t cope with little girl and put out a call for help to her Dad who came round played with her, bathed her and made me dinner. We then sat chatted and watched House.

    And I always think how much easier this would all be if we just could have shared it.

    Sounds like you are doing well, and I hope there were streamers or at least cake at your party!


  3. my curly haired girl has her daddy here to help share the load and I am grateful for that, so he can hold sick child whilst I deal with vomit covered bedclothes etc but come the morning, it’s just us girls battling away. i salute you and wish a good day today for you.


  4. Hope you are feeling better today. Yes I have lots of days like that. I think you are dealing with one of the hardest ages at the moment. It gets better.
    Hope she is feeling a bit better today.



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