November 2, 2009

Today, Rachel and I went Boggit hunting. Now I know that you may not be familiar with what a Boggit is. Especially if you are from the ‘sarf. That could actually be because Boggits are a figment of my imagination. Although they could also be mischevious tree imps, or some such other nonsense.

Boggit hunting is fun, and it is very nearly free. You can wrap boring sandwiches in baking paper- and they become a very exciting picnic. You can wear your wellies. Go up Nutclough Woods, and commence hunting the Boggits. This can kill a good couple of hours, and is walkable from our house.

Boggits are very similar in appearance to celeriac. This is very fortunate, because you can increase your chances of finding a Boggit, by actually buying celeriac, gouging some eyes out if it, and hiding it at the appropriate moment. Today Holts greengrocer didnt have celeriac, so I bought a turnip.

When we accidentally happened upon the ‘Boggit’- I was told ‘Dont be silly mummy, its not a boggit, its a turnip, now put it down, its dirty’.

Imaginative play, my fucking arse.



  1. What a great idea!

  2. Mmmm. Think we may try it!

  3. Love it! Especially you being told.

  4. They should replace the old farts that make up Ofsted with an army of small children. They would get to the heart of things much more quickly and effectively.

    • I think they would….can think of quite a few departments that could do with a bit of ‘toddler cutting through the bullshit’.

  5. By the way, boggarts are a Brigantian thing ( the olde world that is now parts or Yorkshire, Lancashire, Cumberland etc. BOGGITS are a copyright of Division 111 1991, registered in Leeds, DO NOT PLAGUERISE, Writs may follow. See the book of BOGGITS. Ta very much…

    • I am sincerely very very sorry. I will of course amend this post in the morning, giving due credit for the term, but I am currently in a very tired and emotional state. I will however self flagellate(spelling?), as penance for this blatant theft of a cherished colloquialism.

  6. Do not talk filth in the presence of BOGGITS, if so they will will condemn you to a terrible fate, and trust me they never cease in their pursuit of non believers and amadons…


    • I am now scared. Very scared. More scared than I was of Doris Karloff, or that dirty dream I had about Micheal Portillo!

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