Foolproof method of poaching eggs.

October 2, 2009

I have discovered two absolutely ‘foolproof’ methods of poaching eggs.

Method a) Ask someone who can poach eggs to poach you two eggs, and place them on a slice of toast. If noone available- following steps always result in success.

1) Get dressed.

2) Go to cafe, ensure that said cafe will poach eggs.

3) Identify waitress, it is usually person with notepad.

4) Ask for two lightly poached eggs on toast.

5) Wait. This is good opportunity to read paper, and drink tea.

6) Eat eggs.

7) Pay money. This step is essential. Missing this step can result in arrest.



  1. LOL I read this hoping for a good tip to make the perfect poached eggs . Do you know how lucky you are to have a cafe within distance for breakfast I would have to drive at least ten mins to the nearest place and thats a biker cafe !x

  2. Oh god, a good poached egg is divine. The only place I trust to do a decent job near me is Med Kitchen, the expensive bastards!

  3. Unfortunately, sometimes even they can’t poach eggs the right way 😦

    • After I wrote this post- had an unfortunate incident with very over cooked poached eggs. I like them slightly snotty, so spent many hours experimenting with different methods. I have it licked now. Although it is quite nice, to go and have my poached eggs on toast, made by someone else.
      I am now the meanest egg poacher, in the West Yorkshire area.

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